last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and you said cock pushups were impossible
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He has the fingertips of a God
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
