idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I would ride that face into the sunset
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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