At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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