Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
