bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
