i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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