he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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