i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
