Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
