Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
