Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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