I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize