The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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