Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
