i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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