fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
