Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
