she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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