eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
