saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
