I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
