My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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