just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
