when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize