I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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