I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
