I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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