I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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