If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize