His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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