He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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