make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
