so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
