Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
