i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
