i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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