why didn't you poke me back
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
