You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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