Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
