I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
