i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have fence marks all over my body
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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