The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
