I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
