Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
