When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
