honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
