The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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