the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
