:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He uses pillows to masturbate.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
