We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize