guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
