So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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