oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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