two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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