i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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