I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
