Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
