Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
