you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
