I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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