He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
