Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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