My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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