First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
