Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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