He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
