Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize
